The Couple Most Likely To Read online

  Lets go to my office and get it all sorted out, Stacey said, and for a horrible moment he thought she was proposing to go over the old ground from their own emotional past, and confront each other with all those things theyd never said to each other at the time.

  Then he realized she was still talking about the damned ID card.

  They passed through a couple of corridors, a lobby, an elevator. He didnt take any of it in. Had the vague impression of new paint smell and pristine decor which told him the place had very recently been redecorated and remodeled, but realized as Stacey opened her office door that hed have no idea how to find the departments he needed on Monday.

  They were taking a tour in a few minutes, of course, so it didnt matter.

  This would mean more awkward time to spend in each others company, which mattered more.

  Okay, photo first, so if you want to freshen up a littleI mean, you look fine. No spinach between your teeth. Stacey fiddled nervously with the digital camera, and in the enclosed space of her office the awkwardness bounced back and forth between them and seemed to magnify itself.

  He had a sudden memory of the time theyd gone to one of those automatic photo booths to get pictures taken for their passports. Theyd been planning to spend a year in Europe between high school and college, using a couple of different exchange programs to see places in more depth. Theyd both been excited about it.

  Imagine. Three months digging up Roman ruins in Italy, as volunteer interns on an archeological site. Six weeks of intensive language lessons in Spain. Picking grapes, staying in cheap hotels, eating where the locals ate, making new friends. Theyd gotten the passport pictures, then gone back into the booth to take some more, just for fun. Theyd made faces into the camera, standing with heads close together, arms around each other, big, wide smiles.

  Oh, lord, it seemed like so long ago!

  Was Stacey Handley in any way the same person now?

  Was he?

  When shed gotten pregnant with Anna shed abandoned all those plans and dreams as if theyd never existed, and had revealed a hometown-girl side to her personality that had stifled and frightened him.

  Hed wanted Stacey.

  He wanted to go off into the sunset with her, hand in hand forever.

  But the going off part was important. He didnt want to settle into marriage and a baby and spend the rest of their dull, suburban lives in Portland. They planned their wedding, but he had to hide how trapped he felt.

  And then theyd lost Anna at twenty weeks gestation. The doctors had called it a miscarriage, although having gone through labor and delivery on the maternity floor right here at this hospital, both he and Stacey had felt it was a stillbirth. No baby could live when it was born at twenty weeks. They didnt know why it had happened. Sometimes, things like this just did.

  Distraught, Stacey had wanted to name the tiny baby and he had agreed. It was important. It was necessary.

  To this day, he thought of her as Anna. Little Anna. He never helped a patient through the loss of a baby without remembering. Anna Handley Logan. Their lost daughter.

  She would have been almost seventeen by now if shed lived.

  But she hadnt.

  So Jake had gotten what he wanted. The burden of a settled, responsible future in his hometown had suddenly lifted from his shoulders, but the mix of guilt and grief had been terrible. Hed known he didnt deserve Stacey after this. Hed definitely known he didnt want kids. Not ever. It was too hard. Too frightening. Too horrible. How could she already have begun to talk about trying again? Hed started to pick fights with her and push her away and

  Yeah.

  Hardly a surprise that their relationship hadnt survived, despite the chemistry and the sense of two souls entwined. If you could stand in front of the wall? Stacey said.

  He stood in front of the wall.

  And smile?

  He stretched his lips. She took the shot and showed it to him on the little screen.

  Oh, hell! he muttered. He looked like a rabbit trapped in the headlights of a car. Could we try that again? I mean, I dont want to scare my patients.

  She laughed unsteadily. I think it was my fault. Ill give you more time.

  He shouldnt need more time. It was an ID card photo, for heavens sake, not the front cover of People magazine. Its fine. Im ready.

  Um, Im not. This little green light has to come on. Just a sec. She fiddled again and he watched her while she was unaware.

  She looked incredible. Older, of course, but better. Way better. Hed never understood men who couldnt see the beauty in a woman once she passed thirty. Staceys beauty had a ripeness to it now, an emotional depth behind it that couldnt have been there at eighteen, even though shed already been mature and grounded back then.

  Her figure had grown a little more womanly, with soft curves in all the right places and a grace to her movements that said she knew who she was and was happy with herself. Above her deep blue eyes, her eyelids had tiny, curved creases at their outer corners, as if she had plenty of reasons to laugh and smile. She wore a pleated silk skirt with a pattern like watercolor painting and he could hear the faintest swish of fabric when she moved.

  As she examined the uncooperative camera, her honey blond hair fell forward to brush and then mask her face and out of the blue he had another flash of memory, this time about the night theyd conceived Anna, in the backseat of his car after the senior prom. Stacey had had her hair professionally piled on top of her headit had fallen down as theyd made lovelonger back thentumbling in the darkglinting with goldbrushing his chestbrushing his

  Okay, one more time, she said. Smile!

  He did, and this time when she showed him the photo he thought the whole world would be able to track the erotic direction of his thoughts. This one shouldnt scare them, he blurted out.

  No. She took a quizzical look at it. They might want your phone number. She grinned suddenly, making her eyes widen and her arched eyebrows lift higher. Again he remembered. Her smile had always shone at a million watts. The grin didnt last. Sorry, that was inappropriate. She raked her lower teeth across her top lip.

  Its fine. Forget it. He watched her go to the computer to enter his name and set the machine up for printing and laminating the card. He found the sudden silence unbearable, because it gave him too much time to feel astonished at the fact that all the chemistry was still there. Back at the day-care center, those were your kids?

  Something to say.

  Small talk, in any other situation.

  Between the two of them it was anything but.

  She nodded, still looking at the screen. Max and Ella. Uh, the marriage didnt make the grade, though. You probably worked that out.

  Mmm, yes. I was sorry to hear it.

  More than sorry, but he couldnt identify the feeling at first.

  When he did identify it, he was shocked at himself yet again. At some primal male level, he was basically ready to find out if Stacey needed the man killedpreferably by burying him in the fresh concrete foundations of a large building. Sleeping with the fishes had a certain ring to it, also. How come hed never thought to cultivate a few useful mob connections for exactly this kind of occasion?

  John has them this weekend, she said. John Deroy. My ex. Hes good. He wants to stay involved. He lives in Olympia, now.

  He could see how much she struggled with this, and it didnt surprise him. She would be the kind of mother who found it difficult to spend any time away from her children, especially since they were so little. He wondered what had gone wrong with the marriage, so soon after what presumably had been a joyful birth.

  So at least when theyre with your ex, you get some time to yourself, he said. Too gently. She probably wouldnt be happy to know how easily hed read her emotions.

  She didnt seem to want his empathy or understanding. Yep, and I par- tay! she said, mocking herself. Woo-hoo! She shimmied her hips and did some moves with her hands.

  I have to tell you, your imitation of a party animal is
pathetic, Handley.

  Yeah, well, it wouldnt be, Logan, if I was wearing the right shoes. She did a little Charleston dance kick in his direction, as if spiking him with a deadly heel.

  They laughed.

  And looked at each other.

  And stopped, mutually appalled.

  Handley and Logan.

  Sheesh, had they hit a time warp? How could they have dropped so quickly into the hard-edged teasing routines theyd enjoyed so much back in high school? That was half a lifetime ago. Theyd gone in such totally different directions since then. They should have forgotten all of it. The chemistry, the connection, everything.

  Anyhowhere it is, she said, producing the freshly laminated ID card, complete with holographic security logo. She gave it to him, and it still felt warm from the machine. He noted how carefully she avoided touching his fingers during the transaction, as if she didnt dare to risk the burn.

  On to the tour, he said.

  They both behaved impeccably.

  Mechanically.

  Dishonestly.

  She showed him the O.R. suite, the maternity floor, the outpatient clinic rooms, the E.R., staff cafeteria and gift shop. If you need a newspaper, or to mail something. They encountered the head of the ob-gyn department on his way to a C-section delivery, and he and Jake exchanged quick greetings. Stacey spoke to several more people on their journey through the hospital, always with a smile or a question about their day. He could tell that she was both respected and liked. Relied upon, also, judging by the queries she fielded and the cheerfully efficient answers she gave.

  Leave it on my deskCall me or Hannah next weekPut something in writingjust a few linesand I can look into it.

  Then she took him to the adjacent Childrens Connection building, where he would see infertility patients and sometimes supervise the prenatal care of women who planned to give away their babies through the centers highly regarded adoption program.

  Highly regarded, but he knew there had been some problems two or three years ago. Hed been working in Australia then, and couldnt remember a lot of detail, nor where his information had come from. Something about babies being kidnapped, IVF mix-ups and adoptions that had emerged as shady. At his job interview, hed been assured by the Childrens Connections Director of Adoption Services, Marian Novak, that the problems had been sorted out.

  If Stacey had more detailed information, she didnt mention it, and he asked her on an impulse, as they crossed back to the hospital, How long have you been working at Portland General?

  Since I went back to work after the twins were born. I used to work at Portland University Medical Center, but this position was a step up. Its only part-time for the moment, but Ive been told I can upgrade to full-time at some point. For now, its two days a week, and the occasional evening.

  You probably prefer that anyhow, with the twins.

  Its a good balance, she agreed. I get to spend quality time with thembut I dont go completely nuts.

  The grin came again, practically knocking him off his feet. He liked that she could admit her toddlers sometimes drove her crazy. He found the perfect-mother act that some women put on a little unconvincing.

  Again, the more personal direction of their conversation led to awkwardness on both sides and they fell silent.

  Jake just didnt get himself into situations like this. Hed traveled so much, had deliberately chosen career steps that gave him variety. He favored relationships that were monogamous and multidimensional and quite passionate while they lasted, but when they were over he moved on.

  His previous lovers didnt come back to haunt him.

  They moved on, too.

  He couldnt remember ever encountering a former flame in a professional context before this. How did you handle it? How did you resolve the massive disconnect between the practical small talk and the fact that youd had this persons naked body entwined with yours, and her moans of release hot and breathy in your ear?

  Stacey Handley wasnt just any ex-lover, either. Shed always been different.

  Because theyd been so young, he told himself quickly.

  A moment later, they reached the hospital lobby and she slowed. Youre all fixed up for Monday. You have your parking authorization. She checked off a couple of other details, indicating the printed Portland General Hospital personnel folder shed given him back in her office. Youre parked in the visitors lot today?

  Thats right.

  Then youll want to take that elevator over there. She gestured toward it, helpful and courteous, as if the disconnect wasnt happening for her.

  Yeah, but he wasnt fooled.

  He obeyed her unstated leave-me-alone-now-please message, said thank-you and goodbye, and headed for the elevator, knowing that there was way more awareness between them than either of them would have expected or wanted, and that she felt it every bit as strongly as he did.

  Chapter Two

  W hen Stacey reentered the day-care center, Max and Ella had already left with John.

  Dumb of her, really.

  She should have returned directly to her office instead of detouring this way in the hope of a final hug, or the chance to see John face-to-face. If she had seen him, she would only have repeated the kind of instructions that always made his hackles rise. Yes, of course he would encourage Ella on the potty, of course he would remember that Max was completely in love with pouring things at the moment, and hed childproofed his house months ago, so she could give the subject a rest.

  You okay, Stacey? Nancy Logan approached her. Although the two women didnt see each other away from the hospital, they got on well together. Stacey considered Nancy a friend, and it showed in the other womans concerned question.

  Im fine, she answered. I just hate to think of him driving on the interstate with the kids in this weather after dark.

  Nancy patted her arm and gave a wry smile. There was a wealth of understanding in her hazel eyes. Youre like me. You worry too much. Its because of working in hospitals. We never see all the kids who get home safe every night, we only see the ones who dont.

  Stop! Dont even say it!

  Yes, because Ill scare myself, too. Nancy shivered suddenly. Its crazy. Is it the dark winter days? Ive been worried about Robbie lately, too She frowned and glanced over at her handsome husband, who was working in the day-care center office. She didnt explain her reaction. Looked as if she regretted letting anything slip at all.

  To change the subject, Stacey said quickly, Tell me about Dr. Logan. Hes your husbands cousin. Wewe knew each other in high school but havent seen each other in almost seventeen years. I didnt like to ask him too many questions about what hes been doing since.

  Mmm, I wish I had more to tell you, but it was only pretty recently that I found out he existed. Hes single, hes traveled a lot. Youd know what a successful doctor he is because youve seen his résumé. My in-laws neverbut never! speak about that branch of the family, and Robbie and the other kids have learned not to, also. It gets my father-in-law too upset.

  Theres obviously some major grievance from the past.

  Which Jillian is determined to heal. She feels like a fraud as a social worker, I think, urging families to work together, when theres such a rift dividing her own. She persuaded Jake to come back to Portland, and I get the impression that wasnt easy. I think we all support her in theory, but its going to be an emotional business. Speaking of Jillian, here she is again.

  Just as had happened an hour ago, Jillian came briskly in Staceys direction. This time, she didnt have Jake Logan with her.

  We have a child with behavior problems that shes looking into, Nancy explained quietly. Hes a sweetheart but very hard to manage. She said to Jillian as the social worker reached them, Youre here for Aidans assessment?

  Almost not late, this time!

  Ive been telling Stacey about what youre trying to do to bring the Logan cousins back into the family fold. She knew Jake in high school

  Stacey, you didnt mention that before, Jillian cut in, her fa
ce showing added interest. Were you good friends?

  Um

  Yes, the very best, until we got to the point where we couldnt even be in the same room without anger and hurt overflowing in a huge mess. Thats not friendship. Only lovers work that way.

  Sorry, I dont mean to pry, Jillian said, apparently reading too much in her face. Its just that theres a Logan family potluck dinner happening tomorrow night at his new place, and we both agreed we wanted to dilute the atmosphere by inviting some other people.

  Its a good idea, Nancy agreed.

  Please come! Jillian urged her.

  Because my last names not Logan? Stacey smiled.

  Exactly!

  Do come, Nancy said. You dont have the twins this weekend. And you know Jake. It would be nice for him to see a familiar face since hes newly back in town.

  Give me the details, Stacey said, and she saw from the reactions of both women that they really did want her to come. They were obviously nervous about the event, and she wondered just what had happened long ago to keep the two branches of the family so estranged from one another. And what do you need me to bring?

  They agreed on a chicken casserole, and Jillian said again that it would be nice for Jake, nice for all of them, because the event should turn into a party, it shouldnt be some dry, sparsely attended family confrontation.

  Going back to her office at last, Stacey admitted to herself that her own thoughts about the potluck dinner were far more selfish. She never knew what to do with herself when the twins had gone to Johns.

  Tonight she would relax with a glass of wine, get a spicy take-out meal that the twins wouldnt have enjoyed, take a hot bath uninterrupted, read a book with soft music playing in the background. Tomorrow shed run errands without the need for hauling two kids in and out of car seats. Shed do the house cleaning chores she never had time for during the week, then maybe shed drop in to see a friend.