A Mother For His Child Page 4

  ‘Yes, Daniel is the reason I was late,’ Will agreed patiently. ‘I didn’t want to leave until he was asleep, and he wouldn’t settle. But is there any point in explanations?’

  There was a sceptical lift and tilt to his head. It showed off his firm jaw. The reflection of a nearby streetlamp glittered in his dark eyes and sheened on his short hair.

  ‘The point,’ she answered, struggling for a firm, steady tone, ‘from where I stand, is so that I don’t have to spend the next three months confronting my worst weaknesses when I think back on how unfair I’ve been to you tonight. I guess maybe it’s not surprising that you think I hate you. I don’t. But I—I don’t know what gets into me when you’re around, Will Braggett.’

  She knew she was blushing, and prayed he couldn’t see it in the dim, bluish light of streetlamp and moon.

  ‘So if you don’t hate me…?’ he said softly. Left the sentence unfinished quite deliberately, she could tell. There was a new light of interest and curiosity in his dark eyes.

  Oh, damn, and she couldn’t even begin to say it! She feared, though, that it was written all over her face. Did he want her to say it? Was he guessing, or did he know?

  Her lower lip was trembling, and so were her knees. Her widened eyes swam. Will’s fresh male scent filled her nostrils once more, and his warmth drew her like a magnet. They faced each other, motionless, and the sharp edge of old, unsated and unwanted desire swelled inside her to screaming point.

  He did something to her. He always had. Her limbs softened with wanting. Her jaw was wired tight with the tension of fighting it. Her tongue grew barbs whenever she spoke, to keep him from guessing. She fought what she felt by fighting him, but her dreams betrayed her. Her nerve-endings betrayed her.

  They had for years, and they were doing it again now. She was so close to reaching out to him, touching him, using her body to beg for his. Didn’t have room in her mind to think about how he’d react, how he was reacting already.

  This is why I married Mark, she suddenly understood. A man I loved, but didn’t desire. Because I was so afraid of how I’d felt about Will for so long. Afraid of how this desire might have weakened me and changed me. It would. Still, after all this time, it would. I guess I kept seeing my father, and all his torrid, pitiful affairs. Not to mention my mother, and her unmet needs. And I was afraid of wanting a man I didn’t respect. I didn’t respect Will then. Has that changed?

  ‘Perhaps it’s best described as grudging esteem,’ she managed finally, her voice deceptively light.

  It was a typical Maggie-to-Will answer, and he recognised it as such. The tension of awareness between them had broken now. Maybe he hadn’t guessed after all. Please, let it be that he hadn’t guessed!

  He turned and made his way around to the passenger door of her car.

  ‘Interesting choice of words,’ he said. ‘Esteem. A word that reeks of old-fashioned primness, with an aura of keep-your-distance. And grudging! You’ve always begrudged everything you felt about me, Maggie, as if I wasn’t even worth the effort of your anger. Except once. When we sat by the pool and talked for four hours straight and for once you forgot to fight.’

  She sighed and spread her hands. ‘I won’t apologise again. You’d only laugh, and you’d be right. Apologies only go so far, don’t they? But let’s go back to the hotel. Tell me about Daniel. Tell me why you want to leave Arizona. Tell me what you’d have to offer my practice. I won’t fight with you. I’ll try. You’re right. I’m sick of making the effort.’

  ‘Sure. Yeah. OK.’

  But he was silent as they drove until she prompted, ‘Will?’

  ‘Listen,’ he said abruptly. ‘I’m not asking you for any favours here. I’m a competent, experienced professional, with an impeccable track record and brilliant references. I have other options. So if you’re going to pull that let’s-see-whose-IQ-is-the-highest routine with me—and I don’t just mean tonight, Maggie, I mean ever—then I’m out. And, please, don’t bore me with denials. It’s what you used to do to me all the time.’

  Of course, it was true. It shamed her.

  ‘And I probably lost every time,’ she finished, half to herself.

  He laughed roughly. ‘Oh, no! You won. Plenty of times, Maggie Lawless, you won!’

  ‘Fifty-fifty at best.’

  ‘Never again,’ he stressed. ‘I’ve spent too much of my past wondering what would happen to my poor, damaged ego if you decided to try just a little harder.’

  ‘You mean I got to you?’ She was incredulous. ‘You mean you cared? I thought—’

  ‘Did you?’ He twisted in his seat and studied her face. ‘You never realised that half of—most of—how I responded to you was an act?’

  ‘No. I didn’t. And a lot of the time, Will…’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘I—I was acting, too.’

  He clicked his tongue against the side of his mouth and muttered, ‘Points to me that I never knew I’d won.’

  ‘We’re giving that up, remember?’ she reminded him softly, with a laugh in her voice. Maybe she needed to reassess every exchange she’d ever had with this man. ‘Tell me about Daniel.’

  ‘When did you find out?’ Maggie asked, some minutes later.

  Their waiter placed a towering creation of puff pastry, custard, cream and fresh berries in front of her and the steaming richness of fresh coffee reached her nostrils. She ignored both cup and plate at first. Her gaze was riveted on Will’s serious face. His eyes were completely hidden by a screen of black lashes as he stared down at the table, and his mouth was tight.

  ‘I first felt that something wasn’t right when he was just a few months old,’ he replied. He prodded his own chocolate mousse cake with a fork, then looked up. His eyes seemed darker than ever. ‘It was summer. Practically every building in Arizona is air-conditioned, but whenever we were outside with him in the dry, intense heat for anything more than a few minutes, he’d just wilt, and we could see he was overheating. He had a couple of summer colds and he’d get feverish and his temperature just wouldn’t go down.’

  ‘Scary,’ she murmured.

  ‘He was hospitalised once, with suspected meningitis. Fortunately, that was a false alarm. I wanted to start some tests, but Alison…well…didn’t think that was needed.’

  ‘Of course, it’s natural that she didn’t want to think anything could be wrong,’ Maggie suggested.

  Will smiled distantly, but said nothing.

  ‘That’s a normal reaction, isn’t it?’ she pressed.

  She watched the way he chose his next words. ‘She found it hard to accept anything that threatened to deflect her from her goals. Alison has become very involved in her career.’

  ‘Couldn’t you say that of all of us? Medicine is a very demanding profession.’

  ‘She went back to work two weeks after Daniel’s birth and couldn’t manage to maintain breastfeeding.’ He paused. ‘She…uh…thought that my concern about Daniel’s health was just an attempt to make her feel guilty, a way of saying that she’d failed.’

  Yes, it was true that Alison had never reacted well to criticism or defeat, Maggie thought cautiously. Reluctantly, too. Her instinct had always been to defend her friend against Will. It was a hard habit to break, even when his criticism was apparently reluctant as well. He was picking through his words as if they were unmapped mines in an open field.

  ‘She wouldn’t agree to tests,’ he went on, ‘even after another three days in hospital, again with what turned out to be a common, non-specific infant fever that just wouldn’t break.’

  ‘What about the issue of his teeth? Didn’t that set off alarm bells?’

  ‘No, it didn’t, because plenty of children cut their first teeth later than normal. It wasn’t until we had the provisional diagnosis of the genetic defect, two months later, that his jaw was X-rayed and we found there was nothing waiting to come through.’

  ‘How did Alison take the diagnosis?’

  Again, there was a he
sitation. ‘At first, she felt that it didn’t have to change anything.’

  ‘Which in many ways is true,’ Maggie suggested. ‘In terms of intelligence, he’s completely normal, right? And physically, it’s mainly about keeping cool. He has no teeth, no hair—’

  ‘He has false teeth, which will be changed several times as he grows. He has a thin blond fuzz, which he’ll probably keep. I think it’s cute.’ Will’s eyes were bright. ‘And I’m thankful for the current wide range of acceptable hairstyles and hope we never return to a more conservative era.’

  ‘And he has no sweat glands. That’s—’

  ‘Yes, the real concern. A reason…a major reason…I wasn’t prepared to stay in Phoenix.’

  ‘Alison didn’t want to leave.’

  ‘Alison…had her own solutions,’ he answered carefully. ‘I won’t bore you with the details of our debate.’

  A smile flickered briefly on his face like a dodgy light bulb and then went out. Maggie felt an absurd need to touch him, even though it wasn’t likely he’d gain much from her action.

  Will closed his eyes briefly, then continued, ‘Anyway, as soon as the divorce and custody issues were finalised, I was free to start looking around.’

  ‘I can see why Alison didn’t want to move. She’d just been given a position at the hospital which she’d wanted for a long time,’ Maggie said, defending her friend again.

  She remembered the eager—and, now that she thought about it, self-important—detail contained in the annual Christmas card, written when Daniel must have been about eight months old. There had been nothing about his genetic abnormality.

  ‘This is a major, major milestone for me, Maggie!’ Alison had written. ‘I can’t describe to you how much it means!’ She had then gone on to describe it anyway, spelling out points which Maggie, as a doctor herself, understood very well already.

  And OK, yes, that was annoying, but it was a small thing. Maggie reminded herself that there were two sides to every story.

  ‘I was pretty well situated myself,’ Will drawled. ‘We were about to buy a house. Alison wanted to continue with the purchase. I thought we needed to take some time, plot some scenarios.’

  ‘Such as?’

  ‘What would it be like for a kid growing up in a climate where he could barely go outside for most of the year? No team sports, no picnics. Even playing in the sandbox at preschool would be risky. Alison suggested that it was about my ego. I’d been a star athlete at school, and so I didn’t want to end up with a weedy kid who couldn’t do sports.’

  He laughed, and continued, ‘She’s right about that! But it’s not ego. It’s about not wanting him to miss out, not wanting this thing to define his personality and narrow his choices from day one. And it’s about finding a lifestyle where there’s space to consider his needs and give him some time. Hell, Alison only saw him awake at weekends!’

  The last words came out as a growl and he closed his eyes again, as if already deeply regretting that he’d said as much as he had. Maggie’s heart gave a sympathetic lurch. She’d never heard him speak in this way before, and he obviously hated it.

  ‘Why here, though, Will?’ she asked carefully. ‘Sure, the pace of life is slower than in the city, and the climate is cooler than out west. He can spend more time outdoors. But sport is still a risk, isn’t it?’

  ‘Not all sports. When I saw that string of houses spread out along the lakefront, with your practice right there, it was something straight from my wish-list, just the way it had sounded from your description. I wanted something in the mountains and close to water. He can go swimming and boating, winter sports, maybe, and I’ll have time to teach him about his limitations myself instead of farming that task out to a trained nurse, as Alison talked about.’

  ‘Did she contest custody?’

  He shook his head, muttered something that Maggie didn’t catch and she heard an old thought whisper traitorously inside her head.

  Yeah, Will, even when the going gets tough, the chips basically fall your way.

  Alison probably wouldn’t have dared to contest custody when it would have involved pitting herself against the juggernaut of Will Braggett’s habitual success.

  Unfair to think of it that way. Maggie had no doubt that he’d been through a lot. It was written in the new lines on his face, the new sensitivity to his mouth, the new depth to his black eyes. He and Alison had been together for a long time, a golden, successful couple envied by all who’d known them. Some relationships, like some plants, only flourished in full sun. Their break-up must have felt like a failure, and Daniel’s rare genetic problem must have been frightening.

  The waiter appeared with more coffee, but Maggie shook her head.

  ‘I should get back,’ she said.

  She looked at Will, forced herself to see beyond the foolish, draining desire that had been with her so long it seemed like a part of her bones. He was a doctor and she was certain that he was right in his arrogant claim that he was a very good one.

  Out of the blue, remembered images came to her mind. She thought back on the serious, absorbed way Will used to bend over the dissecting table in anatomy class. Those macabre, ridiculous jokes he’d made had only been a front. She hadn’t been able to see it, then.

  Lord, she’d been so humourless where he was concerned! She had ignored the absorption and focused on the smart mouth. Making rounds, too, as students on their first visit to a genuine hospital unit, he had always asked the right questions, and had always found time to smile at the patients.

  While I was usually too terrified about making a mistake to think of making a connection like that…

  Did he belong in her practice? She owed it to both of them, perhaps, and to little Daniel as well, to explore the issue more deeply.

  ‘I want you and Daniel to come over and talk tomorrow, Will,’ she told him seriously. ‘I do need to take on a new partner, and I don’t doubt that you’d be an asset to the practice. But there are…other factors to consider. We both need to think about whether this can possibly work. I’m sorry I gave you such a knee-jerk reaction at first.’

  ‘Apology accepted. And I know the fault wasn’t all on your side. Will you go to the hospital to see Matthew in the morning?’

  ‘Well, there’s no need…’

  ‘A statement which doesn’t answer my question.’

  ‘Yes, I’ll probably go,’ she admitted. ‘For Kathy’s sake. I—I just hate to think how she’d deal with it if he doesn’t pull through this.’

  She shook her head. In certain circumstances, meningitis could result in amputation, brain damage or death. Kathy already had enough to deal with.

  ‘Let me check on Daniel, then I’ll walk you out to your car,’ Will said quietly.

  A quick signature charged their meal to his room account and they left, choosing the stairs to reach his second-floor room. Maggie waited outside, listening to the murmur of voices within. All seemed quiet. She held the flowers Will had given her, which the restaurant staff had placed in water for her during their meal.

  Will closed the door of the hotel room silently behind him a few moments later.

  ‘Hasn’t stirred,’ he reported. ‘The babysitter was almost asleep.’ They headed for the stairs once more. ‘How do you want to do this tomorrow?’

  ‘Well, I’m on call all weekend, so I was only planning to hang around the house in any case.’

  ‘How do you arrange cover when you need time off?’

  ‘I work out a roster with a couple of other local doctors.’

  ‘The ones your office manager recommended when she told me you weren’t taking new patients?’

  ‘Yes, that’s right. Anyhow, if you and Daniel just come over in the morning…’ After everything Will had said about his son, she was curious to see the little boy—Alison’s son, flawed in a way that apparently Alison hadn’t been able to deal with. ‘For breakfast, if you like,’ she added.

  ‘Are you still a morning person?’
/>
  ‘I’ve never been a morning person.’

  ‘You used to get up at six every morning to study.’

  ‘That doesn’t mean I’m a morning person, it just means I’m disciplined. Sorry,’ she added at once. ‘That wasn’t an attempt to score points. I was just—’

  ‘Stating a fact,’ he cut in. ‘I can see that. I’m starting to wonder if a lot of what I used to think was point-scoring was actually stating facts. Back then, I was used to girls who swooned, not girls who fought back.’

  ‘And back then, I was point-scoring.’

  ‘Never tempted to swoon?’ He grinned, and she didn’t credit him with an ounce of serious intent behind the question.

  ‘No!’

  ‘I can see you wouldn’t want to risk tactful wording obscuring the clarity of your reply!’ Something flickered in the back of his eyes, but she couldn’t read it.

  She sighed. ‘We’re still point-scoring, aren’t we?’

  ‘But this time it’s fun,’ he answered. ‘Isn’t it? I’m trying for that.’

  ‘Mmm…’

  ‘Maybe we were both too…too raw back then, too brash and clumsy and young, to enjoy it the way we should have done,’ he suggested.

  I’m too raw now, Maggie thought.

  Not brash and young any more, but still, where Will was concerned, far, far too raw.

  Aloud, she simply agreed.

  CHAPTER THREE

  MAGGIE was awakened at five by the throb of a boat’s engine spilling through the open window of the north-facing room where she slept. Behind the mountains to the east it was just beginning to get light, and she struggled to waken fully.

  The boat was definitely heading for her own dock. By the time she’d disentangled herself from the bedclothes and looked out, it was moored there. She could make out the faint shapes of several figures. Three? No, four. She rubbed her eyes. As she’d said to Will last night, she was a morning person only out of self-discipline, not by natural inclination.